“System Restore”

Oct.30th, 2012

I’m just back from a visit to America between October 5th and the 14th. I was in Asheville, North Carolina for the first time, and it is one gorgeous place. Over the past six years, a few friends of mine have moved there from various parts of the U.S., and I was able to see some folks I haven’t seen since 2004, or earlier. I even got to meet some of the people that have been clients or on this newsletter’s mailing list for the very first time.

Ashevilleand the surrounding area is stunning, especially in autumn as the leaves are changing color. The smell and crunch of leaves underfoot while walking in the woods is one of my favorite ways to connect with Nature. The longer I was there, the more it felt like the area where I spent my childhood, in eastern Pennsylvania.  Toward the end of my stay, I had some extraordinary waking visions occur, and since I’ve been back here in Ireland, they still are occurring. They are like memories, but deeper and richer, and full of poignancy.

The visions are from my childhood, but viewed from the perspective of my adulthood. In them, I see my younger self involved in little memories of simple things. In one of them I was learning how to print the alphabet on a lined sheet of yellow paper. First in upper case, then lower, and I was being so neat and meticulous, and trying to stay between the lines. Then, I looked at my finished page of homework, and felt such a sense of wonder and accomplishment. Meanwhile, my adult self found this to be incredibly touching and profound. It wasn’t pride…it was self-compassion.  In another episode, I remembered being fascinated with a certain type of old-fashioned Christmas lights. They were bigger than the fairy lights we are familiar with today, but smaller than the big outdoor bulbs. These were funny…when you switched them on, and they warmed up after a little while, and then bubbles would start to rise from the base to the top of the light. They must have been filled with a special liquid and a bit of air, and they just mesmerized me…all the colored bubbles rising endlessly in the glow of different colors. Once again, my heart opened and the tears came easily. What did these waking visions mean, I wondered.

For one, I feel that this may be part of the Saturn in Scorpio effect I mentioned in the Cosmic Weather Report.  But at a deeper level, I strongly sense that it is my Soul witnessing my life experience and growth to this point in my life, and the sense of love and compassion for this life I have and have lived so far is immense.  As I write this, I sense a greater presence, a vast loving awareness in back of the Witness, and this presence, this divine parent of all things is the source of that compassion, that joy in the simplest of experiences. It is like having a life review, but not having to die to receive the gift of it. My system is being restored, my original and immortal Self. This is what is happening, for all of us who are choosing to enter into the unknown. This is what is happening to our home world, and the Solar System…system restore.  We are not alone. We are not orphaned. We are all of it, and this loving Witness is the Source of it, and the small child, watching the bubbles in a small light on Christmas eve.

We have invented so many labels and concepts for God. Father, mother, protector, as well as it being an intelligence so beyond our mind’s comprehension, that it seems impossible to have a personal relationship with it. I know now the purely metaphysical or intellectual constructs can never touch the face of the Divine, never know that compassion I glimpsed and felt in those precious few moments.  Strangely, these visions happened while I was doing the most mundane tasks…washing the dinner dishes, or taking out the trash.  Then, something shifted…and I time –travelled through my heart into other places that nothing can touch…deep in the Core of me.  The restoration is happening…the original ‘system’ or blueprint of Creation is coming to pass. It cannot analysed, or bargained with, or understood with the mortal mind.  It is asking us to surrender just one thing…our control. We cannot receive the big gift until we make enough room in ourselves.  I know that true humility is powerful, complete, and compassionate.

This morning I find my heart breaking when my awareness takes in the collective journey and experience of humanity.  Compassion is something we remember always being through adversity. All these souls, these amazing fractals of God/Goddess incarnate on this incredible planet, each with a memory as rich and varied as my own…gives me pause to reflect and sit in the immensity of it.

As I am aware now of all those who are hungry, who are ill or homeless or alone, I too am hungry and homeless and alone.  I have been there, in other existences, in other times.  I am also aware that this suffering was never fully intended by Source as a way of becoming aware, but being that Source allows everything (which is what love without conditions is) then all experience must be that which will complete us, exalt us. I am eager to see the new film “Cloud Atlas”, for it is a reminder of the amazing journeys the we, and Spirit through us, is on.  A quote from the film: “Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime, and every kindness, we birth our future.”   I have had that feeling many times in this lifetime…my life is not my own.  It is shared through the invisible web of many meetings and many partings.

We are an immortal race, designed to live forever in these forms we currently have, each one an expression of our eternal nature.  For me, this is the truest understanding of the story of Christ’s resurrection, that the material can be elevated to the immaterial. This is only part of the non-allegorical nature of the demonstration of one man becoming the embodiment of the totality of Love.  It is also about not forgetting a single being that is still slumbering  or suffering in the illusion of separateness. Our kindnesses must include those who appear to have lost their way temporarily, forgetting the glory of their true selves, and each remembrance of when we were in their circumstances will open our own way to the ending of our own suffering and pain. The crises facing the human race today is a spiritual one.  It cannot be solved through policies and politics, bailouts and austerity.  The time is coming to demonstrate Spirit’s way…with compassion, kindness, fierce love and surrender.  More mind and more techniques are not the answer, and never have been. Time for us to get out of our way.

Into the unknown I go…we go. What can I trust? Only my heart, and my Source. I will let go of knowledge and embrace wisdom. I will make many more mistakes. I will grow out of them.

Trust in something real. Find it in yourself. Find it in others and the real, Divine matrix called this Earth.

Remember…you will find the real in the smallest and simplest thing imaginable.  May it unlock your heart like a key opens a door.

“Domine dirige nos” (Lord, lead us)

Blessings, on your journey.



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